Women Who Don’t Want Children

31 May

I have a child and she’s the center of my life. However, there are many women out there who don’t want children today and feel like they’re being pressured to do so. Yesterday, I was talking to a friend who’s in her early thirties, a doctor and perfectly happy being married to a great guy. While she loves children, she doesn’t feel that she’s missing anything by not being a mom and it’s not a goal she has in mind. The problem is that any older person who meets her and finds out that she’s not a mother says something like ‘It’s ok. Don’t be upset.’ At first, my friend thought that they were saying it’s a shame that you don’t have kids, but it’s not a big deal. She now understands that these people think that she’s unable to have kids and feel sorry for her.

What’s this pressure that we’re putting on women choosing not to have kids? No one knows what’s really going on in anyone else’s life and no one has the right to judge anyone else’s choices. Women today have a lot of responsibilities. We work full time, we’re expected to take care of the home and cook and clean after work and we’re expected to look like we’ve just walked out of a salon while doing all of this. All this being said women who don’t want kids do not want to be constantly nudged to have them. These women feel that there are other things that they want in life and should be applauded for their decision. After all they are choosing to be responsible for their actions rather than having kids that are unwanted and not being a good parent.

As for me, I never wanted to have kids. I had a mile long list of things that I wanted to do instead. One day that changed for me and I now have the greatest daughter in the world. I won’t however, use my experience to nag someone to have a child though because while motherhood is a wonderful experience, it’s not for everyone and I have to respect the decisions made by women choosing not to have children.

 

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8 Responses to “Women Who Don’t Want Children”

  1. Rebecca A. May 31, 2011 at 7:00 pm #

    I don’t want kids and feel that pressure all the time. Obviously, that might change one day (I’m not married yet) but I feel like pretty much everyone judges a woman who doesn’t want a child, as if the woman is useless in terms of what she is “supposed” to do with her life.

    • Aleya May 31, 2011 at 8:09 pm #

      I think that women were raised at one time to believe they must have kids. This is slowly changing now, but I feel bad for those who don’t want any (or can’t have any) and are constantly being told that they must.

  2. sara June 1, 2011 at 2:04 am #

    Not everyone needs to follow the same formula in life

    • Aleya June 1, 2011 at 2:31 pm #

      I agree completely! To each her own.

  3. Olga June 1, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

    I totally agree with the pressure that women who don’t have children have to live with. I don’t know why some people are so judgmental, it shouldn’t be anybody’s business after all. I have one son, and decided to stop there; and I still sometimes get an attitude that I’m selfish not to give him a sibling. This pressure has to stop, especially that most of the time it comes from other women.

    • Aleya June 1, 2011 at 9:35 pm #

      I know! Everyone tells me that I’m selfish for not having another after my daughter and it drives me insane.

  4. Whitney June 7, 2011 at 11:41 am #

    I love this article. I too have one daughter and finally, when I hit 40 people stopped asking when I would have another. I don’t judge someone whether they have none or 6. Everyone is different. : )

    • Aleya June 7, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

      Amen!