Which Argument Techniques Do You Use?

24 Feb

Have you ever watched couples fighting? Maybe you were at the mall or at the supermarket and you overheard a piece of the heated conversation. I’ve always been intrigued by the argument styles of couples because I’ve always felt that my husband and I were not really sane when we argued and wondered if other people felt the same way.

When my husband and I first got married and we had a fight about any stupid subject that you could think of, after going back and forth for a while, he would stop talking to me. Even if he realized that he was wrong, he wouldn’t apologize and would hold a grudge because I stood up to him. For the first five years of our marriage, I was the one who would apologize to him. After five years, I got tired of being a doormat and started to give him the same silent treatment that he gave me. The problem was that because we wouldn’t talk for a day or so I would have arguments with myself in my head in which I was still trying to make him understand my view of things. The good part of this is that he’s now the one that breaks the ice- even though he still won’t apologize.  Hey, I’ll take what I can get.

A friend of mine told me that she and her husband yell at each other until one of the kids walk into the room. At that point they stop arguing and try to act normal, but the bad feeling and emotions is still there. Eventually, her husband goes over to her and apologizes. In their case, they have a running joke that says she’s always right.

Another friend told me that when he and his girlfriend fought, he would always apologize in order to keep the peace. He didn’t fight back because she had a difficult life and was stressed out so he didn’t want to put more pressure on her. Finally one day, he snapped and told her to get off her high horse and do something about her problems- get therapy or go to the gym and work it out. She responded by saying that he obviously didn’t love her and badmouthed him to her friends. They broke up immediately after that fight. My friend is happy in his decision and learned a very valuable lesson from it- he will never allow someone to walk all over him again and again no matter what their situation in life may have been.

Finally, I have a friend who admits that all couples fight, but was never willing to admit that she argued with her husband from time to time. Then one night when we went out for drinks she told me that they used to yell at each other on a weekly basis. Unfortunately, these screaming matches happened right before they went out for the evening so when it was time to go out, although they were both upset they had to put on happy faces and act like nothing happened. They have now made a circle of friends that they both enjoy spending time with and fight less often than before.

Fighting in relationships is completely normal, but it seems to me that there’s a lot of give and take in the process. I’m not a specialist so I can’t say why couples fight or discuss the most effective argument techniques. As a regular person with lots of crazy friends, I can say that we’re all in the same boat and we’re all crazy when we fight. As for me, I’ll always be interested to see how couples fight because it will always give me a sense of feeling normal.


How do you fight with your significant other?


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2 Responses to “Which Argument Techniques Do You Use?”

  1. lara February 25, 2011 at 1:53 pm #

    in the end men have to just realize we are always right

    • spontaneouschick February 25, 2011 at 5:57 pm #

      LOL!! Let me know your technique and I’ll try it out.